10 women on their surprise pregnancies
As mothers, planning is in our DNA. Life wouldn’t run smoothly without proper planning when juggling a career, sports schedules, household duties, extended families and school activities. Throw in an unexpected wrench, and the whole plan spirals off-course.
Similarly, mapping things out well in advance comes into play when envisioning our families. But alas, just like with birth plans, sometimes even the best-laid plans are tossed out the window.
Case in point: Nearly half of all pregnancies in the U.S. are unintended. That means millions of women got the surprise of their lives once and sometimes twice or more. We talked to 10 women about how their surprise pregnancies impacted their lives—and the range of emotions that came with it.
“I thought I was infertile, but it turns out I wasn’t.”
“I was married for five years and underwent fertility treatments throughout due to diminished ovarian reserve.
My mother, Susan, had always wanted me to be a mother someday, and it was heartbreaking for her to continue to watch my failed pregnancy attempts.
She was suffering from dementia during this time and was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. Meanwhile, my relationship with my husband quickly deteriorated.
Three months later, I was divorced and attending an Alzheimer’s event [I became an advocate after my mom’s diagnosis] when a handsome man caught my eye. We began casually dating [he was also recently divorced, so neither of us wanted anything serious].
Fast forward two months later, and I found out I was pregnant! Many women would be stressed about this outcome in a casual relationship, but I was ecstatic. Sadly, my mom passed away 12 weeks later, and she never got to meet my son.
Nonetheless, I know my son was a gift from God and my mother. I’m no longer with his father romantically, but we are best friends and have an amazing co-parenting relationship.”
– Ali R.
“We had a surprise guest at our pandemic wedding.”
“Bill was working in Iraq when we started dating in 2019 [we knew each other before he left]. He came home a month later to visit me, and three days later, we were engaged. He left again for almost a year. The pandemic happened, and we decided he needed to come home if we would ever get married. He quit his job, and then I lost mine.
We were home together during the Covid lockdown, jobless but in love.
I already had two kids from my previous marriage, and at this point, he was 40, and I was 39. So we figured more kids were off the table.
That October, we got married. Two days later, I realized it had been a while since I’d had my period. I took a pregnancy test, and much to our surprise, we were pregnant! She was the guest of honor at our wedding, and we didn’t even know it!”
– Debbie P.
“I didn’t think I deserved to enjoy this moment.”
“I am not the type who was ever going to wake up one day deciding to become a mother—I had been married just five years and was focusing on my new job at a startup when I learned I was pregnant. After the positive pregnancy test, I can still clearly recall the first hour alone on my bathroom floor. I ran through a crescendo of emotions: shock, fear, anxiety, guilt, gratitude, pride. Shock and fear of change, fear of the unknown and if I could rise to the occasion, the anxiety of feeling forced to stay in a job I was unhappy in [and stopping a search for a new one because, after all, who would hire a pregnant woman?], guilt for my circumstance as a friend who was/remains supporting many close friends with fertility battles, gratitude that the universe had taken care of my journey, and proud of my body for taking care of me.
Looking back, the first month was lonely because I didn’t permit myself to feel excited or, on the contrary, complain about morning sickness, etc.; after all, I hadn’t done anything to arrive at this [my thinking at the time], so l didn’t feel I deserved community.
This is a false narrative—we all are worthy of and need community at this time, no matter the journey that gets us there.
Throughout my pregnancy and to this day, I struggle with the thought that women have to consider calculating their employment while taking in a massive, life-changing moment, and here’s hoping that in the future, it doesn’t consume as much weight and our systems are more supportive.”
– Victoria E.
“I survived three surprise pregnancies and a cancer diagnosis.”
“I never felt the ‘twinge’ of motherhood until I found out my sister was pregnant. The desire came out of nowhere, and I had a small obsession. My husband was ready before I was, and he was excited to take on the endeavor. After a year and a half of trying, we discovered I was pregnant. Six weeks in, I had my first miscarriage. I had an odd feeling that morning when I left for work. My husband’s dog followed me all morning and acted like he did not want me to leave. That evening, I miscarried. I was devastated. The doctor told me it was common and I might have had PCOS. I had to look that up because I did not know what it was. [Sidebar… that wouldn’t turn out to be my prognosis.]
Fast-forward three months later: I found out I was pregnant again. Since I was still under 35 and I had only had one miscarriage, I was not considered high risk.
We didn’t tell anyone about the baby until my second trimester, and we were blessed 10 days early with a baby girl.
Approximately seven months later, we found out I was pregnant again. I struggled with the idea of two children so close in age but was overjoyed at the prospect of becoming a mother again. I was having an uneventful second pregnancy and was entering my second trimester; however, sometimes the shoe drops too early. I was always nauseated during the first trimester. I woke up in July not feeling like myself that morning and, for once, was not queasy. I did not have a good feeling about what was to come. I met my mother for lunch and started to bleed shortly after. I miscarried yet again.
Five months later, I found out I was pregnant again!
This time, I was deemed high risk due to scar tissue in my uterus. I went for routine blood work, and my thyroid levels were everywhere. My doctor diagnosed me with Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, an autoimmune disorder where your body attacks the thyroid. Ultrasounds were ordered, and they saw nodules on my thyroid. My doctor wasn’t too concerned: The nodules could be from the surge of pregnancy hormones. She advised another ultrasound six months postpartum. The rest of my pregnancy was uneventful, and we welcomed our baby boy in October.
Six months after giving birth to my second child, I discovered I had thyroid cancer. It had spread to my lymph nodes. I was booked into the hospital to begin treatments where I couldn’t see my kids for a certain period. As if that wasn’t hard enough, they began the pre-treatment blood work, and I learned I was pregnant—again!
To say I was shocked and distraught would be an understatement. I called my husband, who took the news way better than me. Ever hear a smile in someone’s voice? They asked if we wanted an abortion due to my health issues, and we said no.
Eight weeks into my pregnancy, my grandmother passed away. She was my light. We discovered we were having another girl and quickly named her after my grandmother and my husband’s grandmother. Mary Josephine. Little MJ decided to arrive on Christmas morning! She has been a blessing ever since [and one of the reasons I survived 16 rounds of chemotherapy and 33 rounds of radiation]. It has been a wild ride for us, and I am blessed with three great children and a fantastic husband who has supported me every step of the way.”
– Jennifer D.
“I was harboring a hidden twin.”
“In January of 2007, my husband and I got what I thought would be the biggest surprise of my life—a positive pregnancy test! As a teacher, being pregnant in January meant an October baby, which isn’t an ideal time for any teacher to take maternity leave, so this was unplanned.
At my first ultrasound, all looked status quo. Each follow-up appointment was a carbon copy of the one before: “All looks great; the baby looks great with a strong heartbeat.” The excitement was starting to creep in as I had hit 12 weeks, a little bump was starting to develop, and news spread that we were expecting.
But when week 16 arrived, the visit was different than the ones before.
As the doctor scanned me, I heard him say the phrase no one wants to hear… ‘Oh my!’
I quickly spun towards him to see the best split-screen picture ever: ‘Baby is right side up, and baby is upside down,’ he shared.
‘Wow,’ I said, ‘You got a picture of the baby doing flips and did a split screen? Cool!’ He chuckled and replied, ‘Yeah, I can only do that when there are two!’ ‘Two what?’ I asked, to which he answered, ‘Two babies!’ I had just gotten used to the idea of one baby, and now there were two?! I had some choice words for the doctor when he surprised me with the news, including, ‘Where in your welcome packet does it say at 16 weeks, and after months of sonograms, do you just tell someone there are two babies?’
The funny thing is, about six to eight weeks into my pregnancy, I woke up and told my husband I dreamt that we had the baby, and we named him Anthony. He said, ‘Well, that’s not happening because, as you know, I want a junior.’ So we had our junior, plus our Anthony, and I couldn’t imagine my life without both of them!”
– Dana G.
“I thought I was too old for a baby, but I wasn’t.”
“I guess you could say that my husband and I take many important life decisions slowly. We dated for 10 years before we married, so when we finally did tie the knot, I was 36, and he was 41. We both knew we wanted kids, and even though we knew my ‘clock was ticking,’ we put it off for another year.
I stopped taking birth control and went with the mindset, ‘If it’s meant to be, then it will be.’ We actively tried for six years, but nothing happened. Finally, I went for invasive, painful testing, and the results were that everything looked normal, but because I was older, it would be very unlikely that I would be able to get pregnant naturally.
My husband was incredibly reluctant to test his sperm. After finally convincing him to produce a sample, I brought it to our fertility specialist, and the tests returned normal.
Now, we were baffled. The doctor said, “Just keep trying, relax, and have fun.”
But how do you relax when all you want, more than anything, is to have a baby of your own?
But we tried to follow his orders. When that wasn’t successful, I made an appointment to have an IUI. In the meantime, we continued our business, kept trying and hoped for the best.
A week before I was supposed to return to the fertility specialist for that procedure, I noticed my period was late—later than ever. Because I was 41 at the time and because we were working long hours on a fixer-upper house, I thought, with my luck, either I was so stressed that my body had just refused to let me have my period or it was probably early menopause. I wanted to remain cautiously hopeful, however.
Then, I had some spotting and was devastated. I remember that day as if it were yesterday. I went into the bedroom of our camp and told my husband, “I thought I was going to have some exciting news, but my period just started,” and started crying.
However, the spotting stopped that evening, and I had no subsequent signs of a normal period. I returned to work on a Monday and confided in a long-time friend about what was happening. She told me to take a pregnancy test. I put it off for days because I didn’t want to be disappointed if the test results were negative. When I finally bought a test, I took it immediately.
It was very faint, but the two lines were there! I called my friend, who told me to buy another one just in case. Sure enough, that one came back positive, too, so I was convinced that, finally, my dreams were within reach.
The day of delivery came, and after 16 hours of labor and an emergency C-section, our baby boy was here. He is truly a fighter, even during his birth—he wouldn’t let go of my ribs and it took two doctors [one on each side] to pull him out. He lives up to his name’s meaning—little fire!”
– Amy G.
“It was an arresting surprise.”
“I took a 6-month leave of absence after my first child. This was unheard of in my male-dominated profession as a police officer. It was 1999, and there were very few female officers in my town. I had to submit an appeal to the town hall and beg for unpaid leave. I’ll never forget my Lt. telling me I had to be in uniform. I respectfully informed him that maternity uniforms were not available, which would not work! He advised me to purchase large men’s pants to accommodate my growing belly.
When my leave was over, I returned to work, and soon after discovered I was three months pregnant with our second child!
My best accident is now 23 years old, and I’m grateful for her every day.
I’m now a Chief in my department outside of Boston. Even with more women in leadership positions in law enforcement, federal guidelines still only allow women 6 to 12 weeks of unpaid leave. We still have a long way to go.”
– Cara R.
“I thought we were done having kids, but another surprise came.”
“As usual, I had just gotten back into my jeans when I found out I was pregnant again—with baby #4. As usual, I am forced to choose between not eating and dealing with the nausea and migraine consequences or eating and instantly feeling like my insides are a raging inferno. As usual, I am wrought with guilt over being unable to play or lie down with my daughter at night because laying down is not an option until around 11 p.m. when the heartburn has fizzled out.
Pregnancy is hard. Four pregnancies in seven years is downright agonizing. For me, it’s not so much about the physical hijacking of my body, despite the unimaginable discomfort, months of sleepless nights, and a new painful ailment every month. My challenge is my mental health; I struggle to remain recognizable, loveable, or at least tolerable to my loved ones… and myself. For me, those nine months can feel so endless that the idea of the excruciating pangs of childbirth is eagerly anticipated.
I genuinely enjoy labor because as soon as that first contraction comes on and I feel the familiar anguish of my body being ripped apart, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.
About eight hours later, I will be holding my precious child in my arms and anticipating eating anything I want with no threat of heartburn. I will also have almost entirely forgotten what was so hard about it all in the first place. I’ll be a mom again. And every time I meet one of my children, I feel like the luckiest person in the world. Who wouldn’t want that four times over?”
– Kristen C.
Related: I became a new mom again—at age 50
“We’re having a rainbow baby.”
“After losing our daughter to cancer and numerous fertility drugs and miscarriages, we decided to stop trying for another baby. Three months later, surprise! I was pregnant. Soon after, our family went to the Double H Ranch for a weekend retreat for families who have lost their son or daughter, sister or brother. That’s when I first heard the term “rainbow baby.”
We were talking with another family one night who had lost their 2-year-old son 11 years ago, and they introduced me to their rainbow baby—their 8-year-old daughter. I remember asking what a rainbow baby is, and they explained that it was a baby born after losing a child and that the term helps families find hope and faith in the future after suffering such a devastating loss. They explained that parenting after a loss is one of the most exciting, worthwhile, happy and meaningful things they could do with their lives.
When I asked about the origins of this term, they explained that a beautiful and bright rainbow follows a storm and gives hope of things getting better. The rainbow is more appreciated, having just experienced the storm in comparison. This is so true for our family. Although there is much happiness in this news and the term ‘rainbow baby,’ there are also many fears, anxieties and, of course, questions from others about our choice to have another baby after losing our dear Gracie to childhood cancer at just 21 months old.
Now that I’m pregnant again, one of the statements I often hear is, ‘I hope this baby doesn’t get cancer.’
Guess what? I do, too. But I also hope you don’t get cancer, your child doesn’t get cancer, and no child ever gets cancer again. We have had genetic testing and many other tests, and the findings were that Gracie’s cancer was ‘bad luck’ [great to hear when deciding to expand our family, but a tough finding for the reason my child died].
Our chances of our future children having cancer are the same as yours. But I will say that it still terrifies me. If anyone knows that ‘rare’ can happen, it’s us. I know where my mind will wander when this baby gets sick or has a hard belly after eating… So when friends say, ‘I hope this baby doesn’t get cancer,’ my anxiety increases—it doesn’t help. I will always pray that my children don’t get cancer and remain healthy in every sense, and I will pray the same for your children.
But here we are, three weeks before our lives change again. I’m feeling good, tired, emotional, hot, moody and excited—just like any other pregnant woman! We are ready for our little miracle, our rainbow baby, because after every storm, there is a rainbow of hope.”
– Lisa L.
“While preparing to adopt our daughter, we found out we were pregnant.”
“I had two children; my oldest daughter was 4, and my son was 2. I had a miscarriage after my son, and I was devastated, but my husband and I decided to become foster parents to a little girl. While preparing for her adoption, we found out we were pregnant!
It was shocking and overwhelming, and I had a pit in my stomach for the first few months worrying about caring for four kids under five and continuing my career as a speech pathologist.
Toward the end of the pregnancy, I felt a sense of calm come over me, knowing this would be my final pregnancy and feeling grateful it was a healthy pregnancy after our loss of a baby the year prior.
She was the most calm and wonderful newborn, and having her brought her three older siblings closer together. I used to just sit with all of them and tell myself to remember this moment. Timing is everything. Who knows if we would have considered adopting if things had gone as planned? I have “Irish triplets” now: 18, 17, 16, and our surprise baby is 13. We wouldn’t want it any other way.”
– Ally C.
