Your gut may be telling you to switch OB-GYNs. Here’s why you should listen
When I first moved to Boston, I just went to an OB-GYN who was recommended by a friend. As the co-founder of Cofertility—which offers accessible (even free) egg freezing and a more human egg donor matching platform—you’d think I’d have done more research to find the right provider. Instead, I just wanted to hit the ground running after my move, and continue the IVF treatment I had already started in New York. But one child and another miscarriage later (now putting my pregnancy loss total at 5), I knew I was ready to make a switch.
As my husband and I began discussing the possibility of another baby, there were a few things about my prior OB-GYN experience that just didn’t sit right with me. I was now more informed about the process and my own needs. And, more and more, I began to think… my OB should be a doctor I really, really *love*.
Working in the fertility space, I hear all the time from people who are considering switching doctors, but don’t have the energy to go through the research, the paperwork, the scheduling and—probably the biggest hurdle—the trust-building that needs to take place when exploring a relationship with a new provider. I can relate to that so much. It really is a pain. But in my case, it was worth it. It wasn’t until I switched OB-GYNs that I realized how truly wrong my original doctor was for me.
Why we return to our doctors—and why we switch
It turns out, there’s some actual data about what might cause a patient to return to a doctor’s office. Recently, Inception Fertility ran a study that indicated that patients were 28% more likely to return to a fertility clinic after receiving a compassionate email from them. Another Journal of the American Medical Association study also indicated an increase in patient engagement related to easier portal communication and billing.
These studies got me thinking about my own experience with my OB-GYN and why I vibe with some providers more than others. At the time, it was hard to put into words exactly why I wanted to switch doctors. But reflecting upon it, I realized these considerations fall into three categories:
1. Feeling rushed, unheard or gaslit
Given my complicated fertility history, when it finally seemed like I was experiencing a successful pregnancy, not only did my husband and I have a ton of questions (having never been on this side of the fence before), we also needed a lot of reassurance. It should have been a red flag when my OB-GYN inched out the door any time we asked too many questions.
I found myself telling my husband something I used to say when we first embarked on our IVF journey: remember, we’re not their most annoying patients. Ask questions, and don’t settle for feeling anything less than confidence.
I get it: In today’s fast-paced healthcare system, it’s not uncommon for doctors to have tight schedules. However, the right OB-GYN should prioritize your well-being, take the time to address your worries and never, ever, make you feel rushed. Your OB-GYN should be a source of reassurance and information, not a conveyor belt of appointments. If you constantly find yourself feeling unheard during your visits, it might be time to explore other options.
2. Considering “baby-friendly” vs. “mom-friendly” hospitals
Before having a baby, I had never heard of the concept of baby- vs.-mom-friendly hospitals. But after giving birth at one of each, I can say the experience was wildly different. Understanding the difference between the two—and getting crystal clear on the approach of the birthing hospital affiliated with your OB-GYN—is crucial.
Baby-friendly hospitals
Baby-friendly hospitals are known for placing a heavy emphasis on breastfeeding and infant care immediately after birth. They will likely not offer you formula unless you explicitly ask for it or there is a medical risk to the child. This is the case even if you experience supply issues, or your baby is losing more weight than you’re comfortable with. Raise your hand if you got the hang of breastfeeding *immediately* after giving birth. Anyone?
Baby-friendly hospitals also tend to discourage use of the nursery for newborns, citing benefits of rooming in for the baby and mother. For many parents, these perspectives feel aligned with their own—or they’re comfortable with knowing they’ll just need to advocate for themselves a bit more at that hospital. Others, however, might feel that these initiatives can come at the expense of the mother’s comfort and well-being.
Mom-friendly hospitals
Mom-friendly hospitals tend to prioritize the mother’s needs, preferences and well-being a bit more to ensure a more comprehensive approach to care. When I switched OB-GYNs, I switched birthing hospitals as well. And when I had my second child, it was a completely different experience. After over three hours of pushing and finally fulfilling my goal of a VBAC, my nurses actually encouraged me to send my baby to the nursery. I knew my daughter was in amazing hands, but I needed to be taken care of, too.
Do yourself a favor when consulting with potential replacement OB-GYNs: ask about hospital approaches to these issues. If they are not aligned with your own plan, that hospital (and OB-GYN) may not be a match for you.
3. Focusing on the journey as much as the destination
The final straw before switching OB-GYNs was when I fell pregnant on my own and got a ton of pushback on my requests for simple hCG and progesterone blood work that would give me peace of mind after several pregnancy losses. Not only would my clinic not perform the blood work (instead, pointing me to my fertility clinic even though this was not an IVF pregnancy), the clinic didn’t even follow up when I didn’t return due to losing that pregnancy.
Now, I’m aware that OB-GYNs are not reproductive endocrinologists (REIs). But with 1 in 6 people facing fertility challenges worldwide and 1 in 4 pregnancies ending in loss, I feel strongly that OB-GYNs need to provide more proactive fertility and pregnancy loss support vs. only obstetric care. There are so many fertility issues that could easily be caught early on and investigated to prevent issues down the line. Hormonal blood tests or probing into irregular menstrual cycles, for example, could make or break the degree of complexity for someone’s fertility journey down the line. It might even prompt someone to freeze their eggs who otherwise maybe wouldn’t have.
Your OB-GYN should be a partner in your reproductive health journey, not just a destination for prenatal care. So, after that experience, I closed the door on my former OB-GYN and started actively looking for a new one.
Why human connection matters in reproductive healthcare
Thankfully, my new OB-GYN was a perfect fit. He was informative, thoughtful, patient and even funny before, during and after my pregnancy. When I started looking for a new OB-GYN, he was the only one who hopped on the phone to casually discuss my complicated fertility history and how that would be taken into account. Thanks to his warm patience (combined with his stellar experience that spoke for itself), I knew that he was the right partner for me and trusted him implicitly.
As patients, it’s our responsibility to advocate for our health and well-being. If you find yourself feeling rushed, uncomfortable or unsupported in your reproductive health journey, consider exploring other OB-GYN options. Remember that you deserve a healthcare provider who prioritizes your needs, values your journey, and offers compassionate care. Switching OB-GYNs may be a step towards achieving that ideal healthcare partnership and a more fulfilling reproductive health journey. And that’s something we all deserve.
